Having been through it myself 10 years ago, my condolences to Mr Money Mustache and his now ex. His post The Economics of Divorce is very personal but I think it has a place in Retirement Finance since divorce can be such a nuclear strike on a plan and a future. And that’s before we get to the emotional stakes and consequences which are so high that it takes a really long time to get over these things. I remember asking a counselor during my separation many years ago on how long it would take to get through it emotionally, thinking he would say weeks. He didn’t want to throw out a number but I coaxed the general sense that four years was not all that uncommon. One of us was closer to the mark than the other.
MMM writes with grace on this topic: the finances, the collaboration, the challenges, the optimism hidden in plain sight, and the proper way to maintain a relationship if one had to do it over. These are points of view with which I agree though only now with 10 years of hindsight. My end processes were not as felicitous “in the moment” as he describes some of his experiences but in the end it was ok enough and the county court system treated me fairly at a vulnerable time.
The other point here is that after 10 years of being single, I’ll say that people should take a hard cold (ok, warm) look at their current relationship if it is near the edge (or even if it is healthy) and see if it is in a state that can still be repaired and recovered. I’d never go back and am way better for the divorce than had I stayed, but you might want to try to repair first. Take a look at MMM’s post on relationship maintenance. It’s advice for me if and when I need it the next time around. The comments section is also worth the read; these people are “real life” in spades and are objects of a hard-won compassion.
No comments:
Post a Comment