Three dumb things isn't even close to a comprehensive list but it is a start. Here we go:
1. An Odd Degree Choice.
For some unknown reason I took a B.A. in Religion from one of those "top 5 US News Small Liberal Arts Colleges" in 1980. Liberal arts religion, not seminary, fwiw. This was a bit of a dumb choice. I mean I love Carleton, but today, as was starting to be evident in 1980, it is more or less going off the deep end, kinda like every other institution in America, educational or otherwise. In retrospect my choice was a little bit of a waste of time and money and intellect. Today we might question going to college in the first place entirely but back then -- maybe that should have been a question then too -- the better choice might have been physics (my original thought), math, econ, or even studio art. Think about it this way. If I had a son today and he said to me "uh, dad, I'm going to major in religion," (at an institution that is running at 60k in 2021) I'd have pulled him out pronto and maybe put him into the trades, coding school, or the military, although the military seems to be having it's cultural moment now, too I have to concede. I mean if he was academically gifted and wanted a PhD and wanted to teach, it might have been a different discussion but that was certainly not my case so I am perhaps projecting a bit here.
2. An Ill Considered Bartending Job.
For another unknown reason, in my 20s, in the 1980s, I parlayed my supposedly "elite" religion degree, heh, into a bartending gig that lasted for ~4 years. I mean, it was fun and all, and later it paid for grad school, though that was never the intent, but this was another immense squandering of my time. Today, I would advise boys in their 20s to grind: ignore girls for a bit, build skills, get centered, make some money, start investing, build a world, etc. Boys who wait or linger, will always be a little behind. Me? I played a pretty strong strong catch-up game but it took a massive investment of energy to do so, some stellar scholastics in grad school, and a ton of 80-100 hour weeks (self-selected choice) thereafter over years.
3. An Overly Short Engagement
This choice still mystifies me to this day. I got engaged after a six week interval -- six weeks! in case you missed it -- in 1991. I've tried and failed to explain the scenario to others. Never really could. Here is what I do know: Boys! Do. Not. Get. Engaged. In. Six. Weeks. This leads to all sorts of topics I don't really want to get into right now, like dudes needing to establish value and frame first before relationships, but the superficial issue here is that one literally cannot accurately evaluate behaviors of romantic partners over that short of a time frame...and the men or women that would pressure time that hard onto someone -- or the idiots like me that happen to roll with it -- maybe have something that needs to be checked out very very closely. Think about it for a second. Narcissists and BPD people -- can I say especially women here? or is that un woke? Maybe we can just call it my "lived experience" -- are going to love-bomb partners early and hard and if one jumps too fast one will never see it coming until it is too late. There's all the family vetting stuff, too, though that was not really my problem. Just do not jump fast. Thank me later.
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My gf and my other friends hate it when I talk like this. They say: "But your life is so great and maybe you'd never have had your kids if you'd made other choices. FINE, true. But this is a classic deflection or a simulation defense or technique. "In alternative worlds, life would have sucked more." My classic counter is "no! I want an alternative world where there was less suck but I get to have and keep the kids in that story. Wouldn't that be nice? I mean, them kiddos really were a blessing and I cannot forget that.
I could probably fill a whole other blog with my "dumb things." Let me know if you think I should add more to the list. Might be fun. I mean, self-deprecation is a dark art and usually not constructive. Me? I actually do have some healthy self-regard (it is appalling really if one looks too close) and I do believe that one needs to uptalk oneself but if we treat all of this like a game, it maybe could be good. Plus I have a mentoring goal, so there is that. TBD. If you are male and under 30 you should be demanding this continuation...
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